I Will Be the King of the Forest

In the final months of my undergraduate degree (in biology), I cannot overstate how many people innocently asked "what I was going to do with my life."  Seems like a harmless question, right?  They had to assume I was thinking about it and at least thinking about how I'm going to pay down the various forms and fathoms of debt that was either in myself or my wife's name.  Ms. Sallie Mae gave me a whole interest-free nine months to design a sophisticated system of shoveling coins into their scorching furnace little by little (not really little per se) throughout the following thirty years of my life.  I could have just went onto amazon and bought some books, right?  No, that's not how the world works it seems.

I got so tired of trying to think of bold, thoughtful and epiphanic new descriptions of my life's eternal course - the people groups I would defend for free in court against evil conservative or liberal corporate and government regimes - the new inventions I would single handedly design that would heal crippled villages in northeast India - the corrupt media outlets I would reform with a single witty speech upon a stage of undeserved authority presented to me despite my humble request to remain outside the public eye.  I ran out of amazing plans and quite pragmatically knew I wouldn't get halfway through any of them considering my steep bills.  Clearly, I was going to work my gorgeous little buns off so I could eat.  Not exactly reaching for the skies like my first grade teacher told me to but maybe just because she didn't.  Or maybe because she did and she knows a secret to life I haven't yet stumbled upon.  Maybe.

I finally made a decision.  "I'm going to be king of the forest."  I seriously told people that.  My parents' friends, my friends, my parents, and my friends' parents; anyone who would listen.  I would unite the long-estranged animal kingdoms of the forest under a single banner of harmony, cooperation, and a common language.  I even wrote about it in my senior year throw-away elective creative writing class.  I got a 'B' in that class because my final assignment, a 20 page creative story, lacked "any real connection to reality."  I agree, but I disagree with the grade.  I thought it was genius, just like my plan to unite all the animal kingdoms of the world.  Yes, I just extended this plan to include the entire earth.  After that's done, the universe.

In all of this I proved a point.  From kindergarten on through college my mind was pounded with "reach for the stars" type quotes from Big Bird to moms to even my own peers.  Somewhere along the line I must have subconsciously believed them though I tried to consciously write them off as "cheesy."  When it comes down to it I need bread (in my case, gluten free bread), meat and vegetables on my family's table; I need a home; I need strong, raw relationships; I need God.  I wasn't going to be an astronaut, I wasn't going to be the president.  I was going to be a great friend and a loving neighbor and I was going to defend justice.  That's it.  Considering all the hype preached to me my whole life it is still difficult to make this admission, but simple truth and the beauty of knowing oneself calls.

I may still endeavor to do amazing (smart!) things but at least I know that's not where my value lies.  I am not dependent on success as my teachers may have unknowingly taught me.  I'll be proud to teach my kids that lesson.