I can do my best to hide behind a technicality; to intellectually drop a shoulder, bump, spin and hurdle over the fastest slide tackling (true) accusation. I can be professionally subtle and allowing my listener to arrive at a mutual understanding that the other guy messed up. A life application of Inception. Leo would be proud to call me a fan if I was or wasn't one. I can unsheathe a sword of blame and slay my friend or coworker in three seconds flat.
But the rub remains: truth is truth. If it was my fault, I can't fool myself and I probably can't fool those who know me best. I probably can't even fool my coworkers. People see through most things. My hands are deep red and Shakespeare has already made millions off the copy write.
What am I protecting but a false no-mistake-making image anyway? I am always on the look-out for one who will plainly speak his acceptance of a mistake and in the same sentence suggest a solution. He is the man I respect. He is the SMART one. Next time I make a clear mistake (probably later tonight?!) I will quickly and evenly take ownership, apologize, suggest a way to move forward with all parties affected and move on.
Ahhh, yes the guilt. GUILT. Alcohol doesn't make it go away, cocaine doesn't paint over it, time doesn't heal it. I guess in order to feel guilt-free you have to be made guilt free and that's a whole 'nother story.
Thanks for the thought, James Blunt - you're wicked smahhht.
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